Luke Skywalker and the Beanstalk
by Daniel Fielder
Summary: When a famine hits the home of a group of friends, Jim, Spock, and Bones, they stumble upon magic beans that lead them to an amazing land.
1. My What a Happy Day

Something I couldn't resist writing.

Disclaimer: Mickey and the Beanstalk belongs to Walt Disney, and Star Wars belongs to Fox, Warner Brothers, Disney, George Lucas, and JJ Abrams.

* * *

 **Luke Skywalker and the Beanstalk**

Chapter 1: My What a Happy Day

Luke Skywalker was putting his daughter Rey to bed with his brother-in-law, Han Solo as he was putting his son, Anakin to bed as their wives Mara Jade and Luke's sister, Leia were about to leave.

"Now boys, for once get them to sleep by their bedtime." Mara said with a smile.

"Good night kids." Leia said as she blew the children a kiss.

"Good night Aunt Leia." Rey said.

"Good night Mommy." Anakin said.

"Now go to sleep kids." Luke said.

"Could you tell us a story, Daddy?" Rey asked.

"Well, I guess one wouldn't hurt." Luke answered.

"Yay!" Anakin called out. "Isn't that cool Daddy?"

"Well..." Han said. "Uh... No."

"This is a story everyone should hear." Luke said.

"Yeah, but not everyone should tell it, and you know who." Han said.

"Well I'm gonna tell it anyway." Luke said.

"Alright, suit yourself." Han said with a sigh.

"Now, once upon a time-" Luke began before Han interrupted.

"Funny how nothing happens now-a-days." Han mused before he stopped when Luke glared at him.

"Now, once upon a time there was a place called Happy Valley." Luke began again. "It was called Happy Valley because everyone who lived there was happy."

"Well that makes sense." Han said with a shadow of a smile.

"Okay kids, now close your eyes and tell me if you can picture it." Luke said.

"I think I can." Rey said.

"Me too." Anakin added.

"It's all nice and green with a lot of hills." Rey said.

()()()()()

Happy Valley was often called Nature's garden spots, nestled among green rolling hills. A lovely brook, the laughing brook, flowed through the valley. Winding roads connected the valley with stately trees lining them. They also connected the lush fields and prosperous farms that dotted the landscape, and on a hill top over-looking the valley and shining like a jewel stood a magnificent castle, and two precious princesses lived in the castle. One was the fair maiden Leia Skywalker who made fair rules and kept the country clean. Her fellow princess was Mara Jade. Mara kept the country bright, cheerful, and happy with her excellent diplomatic skills and her beautiful singing voice. Men, women, and children came from all over the world, feeding the country's trade, just to hear her beautiful voice.

 _My... What a happy day._

 _What a sunny sky._

 _Kinda make you sigh_

 _In a happy way._

 _What a very merry day..._

 _All the world is gay._

 _When your cares are light._

 _And your heart takes flight._

 _And you're swept away._

 _The air is sweet with clover._

 _The clouds are turning over._

 _Oh yes they're turning over_

 _Just to show their silver lining._

 _My what a happy day..._

 _Never knew such bliss._

 _Never read of this in a book or play!_

 _What a lovely day!_

 _What a great big gorgeous, sumptuous, thumping, bumptious, hum-galumptious, simply scrumptious!_

 _My what a happy day!_

When Mara would sing, all the farmers would join in as well, and their work got twenty times quicker.

 _My what a happy day..._

 _Never knew such bliss._

 _Never read of this in a book or play!_

 _What a lovely day!_

 _What a great big gorgeous, sumptuous, thumping, bumptious, hum-galumptious, simply scrumptious!_

 _Oh me, oh my, what a happy day!_

The voice of Mara cast a magic spell of joy and prosperity throughout the land, but it was too good to last, for one day a mysterious shadow crept over the valley and something dreadful happened.

()()()()()

Mara and Leia were talking. They weren't biologically sisters, but they had been raised in the same home for so long that they couldn't have been closer if they were. When the sky got surprisingly dark, they all screamed and tried to run, but they were caught by the creature who had caused the darkness grabbed them, and they knew no more for a long time.

()()()()()

When the shadow lifted, Leia and Mara were gone. No longer was the valley happy, for without the magic of Mara's voice and Leia's wise guidance, all was misery... Misery... Misery.

The grass fields and trees all became a depressing reddish color as the desolation spread throughout the land and everything dried up. The fields of corn turned to dust almost before you could say kerplop. The Laughing Brook flowed no more, and what little water remained fell down the cracks that appeared in the river bed.

To think that this land was once happy valley, and now it was little better than gruesome gulch.

Days passed. Then weeks passed. Then months passed.

()()()()()

A group of humble peasants, three orphaned boys, were hit the hardest. All they had was a cow who had dried up with the Laughing Brook. The three boys were all that were left of three proud families who had tilled the land together. Among them were Leia's elder brother, Luke Skywalker and his closest friends, Han Solo and Galen Marek. The house was so much to handle for the three boys that it was in a derelict state with one of the doors having fallen off very recently. The three poor farmers sat at the dinner table as they were on the edge of starving to death. By some combination of miracles and careful planning, the three were still alive, still breathing, and sharing a pitiful crust of bread between them. Luke made as thin cuts with his knife as he could to save the last loaf of bread they had for as long as they could.

Were their spirits broken? Did they lose hope? Yes. The three teenagers were facing famine and were left only with beans... Well _a_ bean by now. One bean to split between three people. Luke cut it as thinly as possible until there were three semi-thin bean slices that barely made the bread bulge. The only bright side anyone could have found was that at least the bean didn't have any bones. Galen had become gaunt from lack of food already having a thin build made him appear to be little more than a bag of bone and weakening muscles. A true picture of despair, but Galen never whimpered. Galen never gave up.

"SHUT UP!" Galen called out. "I CAN'T STAND IT!"

Galen then grabbed as many plates as he could and attempted to eat them like a sandwich before Luke and Han grabbed him and pulled the dishes away.

"Okay Galen, easy now." Luke said as Han and Luke rubbed his back in an attempt to calm him. "Easy now."

"Don't worry guys." Galen said with a heavy sigh as he breathed hard from the rush of adrenaline. "Yeah... I'll be alright. I'll be alright."

Galen said he'd be alright, but Luke wondered. Galen had suffered too much. Han, knowing how Galen got when he was riled wondered what plan was forming in the mind of the desperate Galen.

Galen meanwhile saw the axe they had used to chop down wood and got a sinister smile on his face as he slipped away and grabbed it.

"GALEN NO!" Luke called out in alarm when he saw the empty space where the axe usually hung.

()()()()()

"Here cowsie-wowsie." Galen said in a raspy, demented voice as he approached the cow. "Nice old cowsie-wowsie."

"Galen!" Luke called out as Galen suddenly shouted out and lunged at the cow with the axe. The cow mooed in alarm and jumped onto a tree as Luke pulled the axe out of Galen's hand, and he then began chewing on the tail before Han and Luke grabbed Galen and held him down.

"But guys..." Galen panted as he began to come back to his senses. "I've just gotta eat. I'm so... Hungry."

Han and Luke brought Galen into the house where he rested on the couch.

* * *

Aw, poor Galen.


	2. Beans

Chapter 2: Beans

Luke was holding Han down to demonstrate the story as the children giggled.

"Poor Galen was completely out of his head." Luke said. "It was a pitiful sight to see Galen deteriorate after weeks without food. Poor Bones."

"Yeah, poor me." Han said after Luke let go.

"It was all they could do to restrain him." Han said. "Poor Galen had just about reached the end of his rope. They were definitely in a sorry predicament."

"Galen may have gone nuts, but he had the right idea." Han said. "Kill the cow."

"Oh no, Unca Han!" Rey shouted. "The cow was your best friend."

"Well a friend in need is a friend indeed." Han said.

"So what?" Luke asked.

"So, we needed some steak." Han said plainly.

"No!" Anakin whined. "If you kill the cow, I'm not gonna listen to the story."

"Relax son, I was just teasing." Han said.

"You always did have a morbid sense of humor." Luke said with a smile. "Anyway, they eventually decided to sell the cow."

()()()()()

Things began to look much brighter for the boys after Luke went to a village to sell the cow. The thought of prosperity after going so long without it brought a smile to Galen and even Han's faces.

"Hey look!" Han called out as he and Galen acted out all the food they would eat after Luke returned with the money.

 _Turkey, lobster, sweet potato pie!_

 _Pancakes piled up 'til they reach the sky._

Galen hummed along as his high spirits had helped get him back to normal.

 _Oh... I wanna eat and eat and eat and eat_

 _And eat until I die._

 _Turkey, lobster, sweet potato pie!_

 _Pancakes piled up 'til they reach the sky._

 _Lots of starches._

 _Lots of greens._

 _Fancy chocolate covered-_

"Beans!" Luke called out as he held up a dingy yellow box.

"What do you mean beans?" Han asked.

"I sold the cow for some magic beans." Jim said.

"Beans?!" Galen called out angrily. "We were better off than that a month ago!"

"But Galen, these aren't ordinary beans." Luke insisted. "They're magic beans. If you plant these beans in the light of a full moon, do you know what'll happen?"

"Yes, we'll get more beans!" Galen said testily as he grabbed the box and threw it in a corner as the four beans fell into a hole there. "Magic beans! Humbug!"

()()()()()

Later that night, Luke rested in one of the cots in his, Galen, and Han's room. How could he have been so stupid?

 _Magic beans. Light of a full moon._ Luke thought angrily. _How could I have fallen for that? Maybe I'll wake up in the morning to find the whole disaster was a dream._

Luke then went to bed having given up his ration for his foolishness.

()()()()()

But it wasn't as foolish as Luke thought as the night's full moon shone on the very spot the beans had fallen in through a nearby window. A small green stalk popped out of the hole and began to twist around. It then grew through two small holes into the boys' room and went close to Han's mouth as it went onward. It then went past Luke's bed, taking his blanket with him and leaving behind a leaf that caught on Luke's foot. It then went up to the top bunk where Galen slept and tickled his bare feet with its vines.

The beanstalk then burst out of the doors and windows of the house until it lifted the whole thing up. As it continued to grow, the house crumbled, leaving only the three boys. Luke ended up spending the rest of his sleep on a large leaf. Galen ended up protected by a large vine coil he ended up falling into. Han rested on a large vine face down.

And all through the night it continued to grow onward and upward.

* * *

Han: That beanstalk was a menace to aviation.

Rey: What's aviation?

Luke: Airplanes.

Rey: Oh.

Me: I love this story.


	3. On Top of the Beanstalk

Chapter 3: On Top of the Beanstalk

At dawn, Luke, Han, and Galen woke up to find themselves on top of a giant bean stalk starring up at a huge castle sitting on what appeared to be a floating island hidden by clouds.

"Hey, I was right." Luke said with a smile.

"Yeah you were." Galen said. "Look Luke, I'm sorry."

"It's alright." Luke said. "It's not like this happens every day."

"No kidding." Han said.

They then headed out and wondered who lived there. Man or monster? Friend or foe? A princess or a dragon?

They all knew one thing. Three things drew the three boys to the castle. Hunger, desperation, and a love of adventure.

It was a fantastic experience as there were caterpillars as big as dogs and butterflies as large as eagles.

"Wouldn't it be amazing if mortal man never set foot here before?" Luke asked.

"Well somebody did." Galen said as Han fell into a large foot print.

"Oh boy." Han said as he got out. "Who could have made those?"

"Well it wasn't Cinderella." Galen said calmly. Hopefully it was something friendly.

Soon they arrived at a moat that surrounded the castle, so they took a peapod and made it into a boat as the three took some willows and rowed towards the castle.

Then suddenly without warning up in the sky dragon flies the size of fighter planes arrived.

"Wow!" Luke called out. "What whoppers."

"No kidding." Galen said. "Hey, I got an idea! Hey, long noise! Over here!"

"Galen!" Han began before the dragon fly dove in, and all three boys ended up right at the steps of the castle. "Smart thinking."

"Okay, how are we gonna climb these steps?" Luke asked.

"How about you get on my back, and we'll hoist Galen up? Then he can pull us up and so on and so forth."

Everyone agreed to this and began to slowly make their way up the stairs. This was the most exciting part of their journey so far. Forgotten was their hunger. Forgotten was their fear. The young boys never faltered and eventually made it to the top step.

They then wondered two things, what mystery lay behind the cold walls of the castle, and what dark spell hovered over this gloomy place.

Luke then went up and knocked on the door, but no one came. They wondered if they should go in, but eventually they decided to risk it. They walked in and found themselves in an enormous entry hall, easily twenty times as big as any normal room. It was also as silent as a tomb. Han was the last to go through and ended up having to spend a few moments putting his pants back on.

In an enormous dining room, they looked up to see an enormous pile of food.

"FOOD!" Galen called out in joy. "Let me at it!"

They then ran up the winding carving on a table leg and began eating whatever they could find. Han began eating peas the size of basket balls and moved to Jell-O that he could swim through. Han then crashed into a thing of walnuts as he came out.

"Who's there?" A very familiar voiced asked from a chest.

As she said that, a girl with long brown hair that wore a maid's outfit walked out.

"Is anyone here?" The girl asked.

"That's Princess Mara's voice!" Luke called out. "And that maid's Leia!"

"Yahoo!" Han called out.

"How'd you two get here?" Luke asked as he looked in through the keyhole and saw Mara's beautiful green eyes and red hair.

"We were kidnapped by a wicked giant." Mara said.

"Oh." Luke said before it sunk in. "A giant?!"

"A giant?!" Galen cried out.

"A giant?" Han asked, incredulously.

"A giant." Leia confirmed.

* * *

Well... Things look bad, don't they?


	4. The Giant

Chapter 4: The Giant

"A giant?!" Rey asked in alarm.

"A giant?!" Anakin asked in the same voice.

"A giant." Han said as he nodded his head.

"Bigger than forty men." Luke said.

"Wow." Anakin said.

"A giant that had the power to turn himself into anything, man or beast." Luke said.

"Wow." Rey said.

"It was the giant that kidnapped the princesses and brought ruin to Happy Valley." Luke explained.

"But why did the giant want to kidnap the princesses?" Rey asked.

"Because he was cruel and selfish." Luke explained. "He didn't care what happened to the valley. He just wanted someone to sing him to sleep and keep house for him."

"Couldn't he have just done it himself?" Anakin asked.

"You see son, when you're cruel and selfish, you don't like doing a lot of things for yourself." Han explained.

"Oh." Anakin said.

"Well anyway, back to the story." Luke said.

()()()()()

Just after learning about the giant, they heard a loud booming voice say...

"Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum! Fee fi fo fum!"

The giant, an ape-like being covered in black fur with huge ears arrived bouncing a large ball.

 _Fee fi fo fum!_

 _Hee hi ho hum!_

 _I'm a most amazing guy!_

 _A most amazing guy am I!_

 _Fee fi fo fum!_

 _Hee hi ho hum!_

 _I'm stuff I'm telling you,_

 _For here's what I can do!_

 _I can change myself into an elf._

 _Fly up high like a birdie._

 _I can disappear into atmosphere._

 _'Cause I know the magic wordies._

 _Fi fo fee foy!_

 _Fee fee-fee fee._

"Fi-Fi?" The giant asked after a minute. "I don't know a Fi-Fi."

He thought for a moment.

"Fee fi fo fum." The giant said. "I smell..."

The three boys hid as Leia got close to the chest, and the giant grabbed a large pot and smiled.

"Pot roast!" The giant called out happily. "Chocolate pot roast. With pestachimo, with pestachi- with pista- With green gravy."

The giant then made himself a sandwich with some cheese Han was hiding behind, some lettuce Galen was hiding in, and a large chicken leg, which Luke ended up being put into. He then poured some pepper on the sandwich which caused Luke to sneeze and cause his head to poke out.

"Um... Hi." Luke said nervously before he rushed off.

"Oh no you don't!" The giant called out. "You can't get away from Gorax!"

Gorax then grabbed Luke.

"I've got you!" Gorax said as he didn't hear anything. "I think I got you."

Gorax then looked inside his fist.

"Yeah, I got you." Gorax said.

"Gorax..." Luke said with a smile as he gestured Gorax to look.

"What is it?" Gorax asked. "What is it?"

Gorax opened his hand as Luke walked on his life line.

"Ten, twenty, thirty, forty." Luke counted. "Boy what a lifeline."

"Well what's this here?" Gorax asked as he pointed at a spot on his lower palm.

"Oh, I can't believe it!" Luke said in mocked surprise.

"Is it bad?" Gorax asked.

"Well it says here that you can change yourself into anything." Luke said.

"Sure!" Gorax said with a wide smile. "You wanna see me? I can change myself into the darndest things! Go on, give me something to change into. Anything."

"Anything?" Luke asked.

Anything." Gorax answered. Luke then looked around and saw a flyswatter. This gave him an idea.

"Can you change into a fly?" Luke asked.

"A cute teeny-weeny, itsy-bitsy house fly?" Gorax asked.

"That's it." Luke said. "A house fly."

"Ah, you don't want a fly." Gorax said. "How about a bunny with long pink ears?"

"Well of course if you can't do a fly then-" Luke said before Gorax conceded.

"Alright, a fly." Gorax said. "Why?"

"Well uh... Because." Luke said.

"Alright." Gorax said. "A teeny-weeny fly. With pink wings. Now for the magic wordies! Fee fi fo fum! Hee hi ho hum!"

While Gorax was doing this, Luke called Han and Galen out of hiding and prepared to use the flyswatter on the giant when he instead turned into a huge pink rabbit.

"You sure you don't want a pink bunny?" Gorax asked before he noticed what they were holding. "Hey, what is this?! You think you'd fool Gorax?!"

Gorax then grabbed the three, opened the chest, pulled out Mara, and dropped the boys in, but Luke managed to get out of the giants grasp unnoticed and hold onto the chest as it was put on a high up shelf.

Things looked pretty dark for the prisoners as Gorax locked the chest as Luke climbed up and prepared to try and get the key as Gorax dropped it in his pocket. Mara then smiled and began singing a soft soothing song to get Gorax to sleep.

 _In my favorite dreams,_

 _Everyone is so delightful._

 _No one's mean or spiteful._

 _In my favorite dreams._

Mara then waved for Luke to move forward as Gorax got drowsy.

 _Yes, and in my favorite dreams,_

 _There my heart can go romancing._

 _Dancing to a heavenly theme._

 _But there's something else I look forward to._

 _It's a secret, but here's a clue._

 _He's my favorite you-know-who._

 _He's the hero of my most favorite dreams._

Luke then took a threading needle and stuck it on the floor of the self. He then used a twine he'd brought with him to go slowly down to the giant to get the key to free his friends and escape with Mara and Leia.

As Gorax began to fall asleep, Luke landed on his shoulder and began to walk down.

" _In his right breast pocket, you'll find the key._ " Mara sang, helping Luke out, and Luke nodded and began making his way to Gorax's right breast pocket. " _The right breast pocket. Go carefully._ "

Mara then gasped when Luke fell in, but Luke was alright and was about to pull the key out when it got caught on a snuff box, so Luke had to give an almighty tug to free it, and that caused the whole thing of snuff to be released, and Luke let out a huge sneeze.

This woke Gorax up, and he yelled, "I'll smash- AHCHOO!"

Gorax then slammed his pocket and looked inside but no one was there.

"Huh." Gorax said. "Nightmare."

He then went back to sleep as Luke climbed back up the thread and made it to the shelf with the key, barely.

()()()()()

"He made it!" Galen called out from the chest as he watched the whole thing from the key hole.

"He did?" Han asked. "Great. Here he comes with the key."

"Let me have it, Luke!" Galen called out and accidentally got knocked in the mouth by the key.

Luke then freed the two.

()()()()()

Things looked bright for the six teenagers as they left with Mara and Leia, but Luke wasn't really to take chances. He tied Gorax's shoes together in case he woke up, which he did. Luke then finished tying the shoes and rushed off with his friends. While his friends rushed off to the beanstalk, Luke used a wine bottle cork to toss him to the beanstalk as his friends already managed to get there, and they were closely followed by Gorax. The six then hurried down the beanstalk as Han and Luke grabbed a saw and began cutting the beanstalk down as Galen moved the girls as far away as possible. As Gorax was halfway down, the beanstalk was finally cut in two, and Gorax fell, screaming his head off. He smashed into the ground leaving a large indent on the ground, killing himself in the process.

"Thank you." Mara said to the boys, but particularly to Luke.

"You were all very brave." Leia added.

So with the princesses' return, happiness returned to Happy Valley, and the spot where Gorax fell became a grassy hill that remained a preservation in honor of the three young heroes. Galen left to continue exploring the world while Han and Luke ended up staying and marrying Leia and Mara, and they all lived happily ever after.

()()()()()

Anakin cheered as he clapped his hands.

"Tell another one Daddy." Rey said eagerly.

"Sorry kiddo, but your mom will kill me if I don't put you to sleep." Luke said. "Alright hon?"

"Okay." Rey said as she went to sleep.

"Night night." Anakin said as Han and Luke left as Leia and Mara smiled and talked about their adventure together.

* * *

Gorax: Hey, has anyone seen a guy in black robes?

Me: No, I uh... (I pass out.)

Jenny: Doug! Doug speak to me!

Gorax: What's the matter with him? Something he ate?

Robert: No, he'll be okay. Good night Gorax.


End file.
